Neulich: Ein Slashcam Movieguy beim Pitchmeeting

[freezer]

PITCH MEETING – "The Slashcam Movieguy Feature Film"

Producer Guy:
So you’ve got a movie for me?

Slashcam Movieguy Screenwriter Guy:
Oh yeah. It’s gonna revolutionize filmmaking entirely.

Producer:
Oh wow, wow, wow.
What’s it about?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Well, it’s insziniert in a very raw-philosophical way.

Producer:
I think you mean insze-

Slashcam Movieguy:
No, no, no. That spelling is outdated by traditional handwerker thinking.

Producer:
…What?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Anyway, the story is basically theoretical.
I don't want to restrict it with details like… story.

Producer:
Okay but do you have footage? Tests? Anything?

Slashcam Movieguy:
I have this Kurosawa screenshot.

Producer:
That’s Kurosawa. You didn’t shoot that.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Sure, but aesthetically it represents what I would shoot if I ever shot something.

Producer:
Right… so why don’t you shoot something?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Well, my camera doesn’t fit into my car’s glove compartment.

Producer:
…What?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Yeah, I need a cinema camera that fits into a tiny plastic box next to my registration papers.
Otherwise it’s unusable for filmmaking.

Producer:
That’s… not a thing filmmakers usually require.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Roger Deakins requires it.

Producer:
No he doesn’t.

Slashcam Movieguy:
He also shot that entire World War I movie using only available light.

Producer:
He absolutely did not. There’s hours of behind-the-scenes footage disproving that.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Those are staged. Inszinierte propaganda.

Producer:
You spelled it wrong again.

Slashcam Movieguy:
I spelled it correctly for the purest cinematic truth.

Producer:
Okay… so let’s talk about your production plan.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Super simple.
The crew doesn’t get paid.

Producer:
What? Why?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Because they become shareholders of the artistic process.

Producer:
That’s not how compensation works.

Slashcam Movieguy:
It is now. And everyone brings their own food.

Producer:
Their own - Why?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Catering is for German beamtenmentalität.
True filmmakers chew dry bread in silence.

Producer:
This sounds deeply unpleasant.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Super easy, barely an inconvenience.

Producer:
Okay, what about lighting?

Slashcam Movieguy:
None.
Everything is shot RAW and fixed in post.

Producer:
You still need actual light.

Slashcam Movieguy:
No. RAW is light.

Producer:
That’s… unbelievably wrong.

Slashcam Movieguy:
Also, here’s another Kurosawa screenshot for reference.

Producer:
STOP SHOWING ME OTHER PEOPLE’S MOVIES.

Slashcam Movieguy:
It’s relevant because what I would shoot would look exactly like this -
if my camera fit into the glove compartment.

Producer:
…so you’re telling me your entire film doesn’t exist because of a plastic box in a 1998 Opel Corsa?

Slashcam Movieguy:
Exactly.
Welcome to cinema.

[Jörg]

solche Leute gibts nicht...??

wenn es einen Preis für den besten Beitrag hier geben würde, du hättest ihn.

[freezer]

Bin heute durch viele alte Threads im Forum gestreift, da kam mir die Inspiration. :-D

[Jott]

Insperation.

[iasi]

Bin heute durch viele alte Threads im Forum gestreift, da kam mir die Inspiration. :-D

Eher doch von deiner Vorstellung von einem Producer. ;):)

Das klingt doch eher nach einem Verkaufsgespräch von Forum-Freelancer, die einen neuen Kunden gewinnen wollen, der sie bezahlt - nur dass du es "Pitchmeeting" nennst.

"Producer" sind für dich Leute, die Geld ausgeben wollen. :)

Statt "Producer" solltest du ihn in D besser "Filmförderungsverteiler" nennen. ;)